What's love got to do with it? A lot.

The secret of what makes a loving and lasting relationship remains that—a secret. There are many theories, but they also remain what they are—theories. There is no apparent certitude, nor perhaps should there be; love, the supposed cornerstone of a loving relationship, defies definition and is, in any case, fluid and evolving. As it should be; it is more sustainable that way.

What love may be by definition is constantly promulgated in literature and song but rarely as adroitly as in the sonnets of Shakespeare or the multi-authored letters from the front of the First World War. Everyone else  tends to cloud the issue. Lord Byron for example seems to equate love with lust and fails (probably deliberately) to differentiate the two.

However, love exists, regardless of how it may be defined and in what form it is found. And if we are open to it we can collectively share vicariously in its glory.

I felt that way today when I read an article about the Obamas. This week Michelle and Barack are sharing and celebrating 27 years of marriage. No doubt some of those celebrations are private and intimate, but the couple have also used social media to express their love for each other. There is no doubt in my mind what they are saying is sincere, and mercifully they are sufficiently restrained not to make it cringe-worthy.

On Wednesday I was in a tavern restaurant in east Auckland. Seated at a table near me and my companions was a couple whose barely concealed actions almost immediately evoked the oft-used phrase, “get a room”. They were constantly caressing each other; their hands seemingly everywhere. Kisses of which there were many were pecks, more forceful for their frequency than lack of longevity.

Was it love or was it lust? Without knowing this couple’s circumstances, I don’t know. Perhaps like Byron I can’t tell and don’t care, though the prurient among us would say I should.

I am going to err on the side of love. I think they were in love. People who are simply in for the lust rarely express it with such fervour in public. I believe this couple were simply expressing their love for each other and it had such intrinsic hold over them that they were oblivious to their surroundings.

They were, I think, giving literal meaning to the phrase Love is Blind.

They didn’t need a room.

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Love is all around

Probably the only people truly to have misgivings about St Valentine’s Day were the seven members and associates of the North Side gang for whom St Valentine’s Day 1929 was their last day.

For the rest of us it comes and goes each year and it is over to each of us to decide whether or not we observe it. Usually, I don’t. 

If I were a romantic, I would explain that away by suggesting that, for me, romance is a daily infusion and I see no reason to confine it to a single day. More cynically I could state that I have plenty of other things on which to spend my time and money than an homage to a long-dead martyr who couldn’t get his act together.

Besides, I still have memories of a few years back trying to explain to my wife why I received three anonymous valentine’s cards, none of which came from her.

But if Valentine’s Day is your thing, don’t let me persuade you differently. I am at best ambivalent about it, but I can understand why others would take the opportunity to express their love. Al Capone certainly used the day to tell the North Side gang what he thought of them.

What is remarkable is how widespread Valentine’s Day is, even in non-Christian countries. Among them Japan, Iraq, Philippines and India. In that regard it could be said that an obscure third-century priest from Rome has been more universally accepted than Jesus.

Or is it just that there is a greater acceptance of Paul McCartney’s edict that “All You Need Is Love.” Fortunately, there is a lot of it around.

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