The ultimate win for Winston

The NZ Herald is asking me to pay $2.50 to know something I already know. That’s the weekly subscription fee they require for accessing their online “premium content”. It costs nothing to access ordinary stories, but there is precious few of those, and the interesting and well-written stories, often an oxymoron for the NZ Herald, are behind a paywall.

One of those stories has the enticing headline: “Inside the coalition: Who’s really running the country?” I don’t feel the headline needs the question mark. The answer is so obvious that it should be more a statement.

I will not pay $2.50 to be told Winston is running the country--by deceit, by demigoddery and by default. Our titular prime minister is missing in action for domestic issues. And the government she leads is floundering in an ocean of incredulous actions and inactions.

Almost all of their campaign pledges—the war on poverty, affordable housing, addressing mental health issues, capital gains tax, etc—are in tatters as are the targets to which they aspired.

The Prime Minister, who must shoulder ultimate responsibility, seems uninterested and indecisive on such issues. In fact, the only decisive action she has taken since she came into power was the banning of automatic weapons.
But taking one decisive action and quickly learning the art of looking doleful in the wake of a national tragedy does not a prime minister make.

So, where is she now? Striding the world stage addressing global issues, trying to constrain Facebook—good luck with that.

Meanwhile, we who look for leadership and vision on pressing domestic issues are left with a set of largely incompetent ministers who without a credible head are led by a somewhat disreputable tail--Winston Peters.

Few would doubt that this is Mr Peters’ swansong as a member of parliament. He has probably already been offered a major diplomatic post if this government keeps power. But this term may also be his most important while he builds the legacy he may be most remembered for—restraining an out of control, incompetent and ideologically dangerous government.
 Love or loath Winston Peters now,  ultimately we might all thank him for that.

An abnoxious time

There is no sadder sight in Parliament than a politician who doesn’t want to be there.

There are two of them in there now, both on the Government side: Andrew Little and Kelvin Davis.

Both entered New Zealand’s current parliament with good intent; both got scuppered by one man—Winston Peters.

Andrew Little’s situation is particularly sad. He made the ultimate sacrifice for his party after it became apparent that under his leadership Labour had no chance of winning the 2017 general election. He did so with grace and decorum and was widely praised for that.

I also believe he did so with the reasonable expectation that Jacinda Ardern would replace him, and that under her leadership and with the support of the Greens, labour had the best chance of winning that election or the next. What he may not have counted on was the role and the eventual importance of Winston Peters--a man who is I believe an anathema to all the principles Andrew Little holds dear—uppermost among them honour.

Now we have unwelcome sight in Parliament of Andrew Little trying to justify a bill that is widely described as the most spurious, self-serving act of legislation to come before Parliament in recent times. What must be particularly galling for Andrew Little is that, as Minister of Justice, the bill is in his name, whereas the reality is that it has been perpetrated by Winston and his paranoia that New Zealand First’s MPs may desert the party. The Electorate Integrity Amendment Bill or The Waka-jumping Bill, as it is also known, seeks “to enhance public confidence in the integrity of the electoral system by upholding the proportionality of political party representation in Parliament as determined by electors.” In reality it forces MPs to toe the party line—even in contravention of their electorate responsibilities, or risk expulsion from the party and Parliament. Compounding that, it’s been recently revealed that Winston Peters has in his party’s constitution a clause that makes his MPs each liable for a $300,000 penalty if they resign or are expelled from the party before the next general election.

The bill and the penalty are draconian and disgraceful. They are also, as the National Party MP leading the debate for the Opposition, Nick Smith, says unprecedented in any democratic parliament in the world.

Yet, poor hapless Andrew Little has to defend it. And his efforts to do so have come increasingly desperate yet lackadaisical. Yesterday, for example, he denied knowledge of the New Zealand First constitution clause, which seems hard to believe. And he even resorted to attacking Nick Smith’s pronunciation of obnoxious (“abnoxious”) to describe the bill, which rightly drew the ire of Speaker Trevor Mallard for being demeaning (to Smith) and bringing Parliament into dispute.

Clearly Andrew Little is more than a little uncomfortable. He is fighting for a bill that I believe he doesn’t believe in. No wonder he looks and behaves like he doesn’t want to be there.

The other MP whom I believe is disenchanted, but, unlike Andrew Little, makes no effort to hide it is Kelvin Davis. That is no surprise—Kelvin Davis seems to put little effort into anything, including reading his briefing papers. Kelvin Davis is the picture of misery—a fallen man whose always unrealistic expectations remain unrealised. Yes, as deputy leader of the parliamentary Labour Party, he may have expected to be made Deputy Prime Minister. However, that was never going to happen under MMP and certainly not after Winston became (once again) Queen-maker. Nor is Kelvin Davis up to the job, as he so ineptly demonstrated when he served as Acting Prime Minister. His churlish behaviour since has won him few favours or friends.

I know what it is like to be doing a job I don’t want in a place I don’t like. If circumstances permit you can always leave. I did. Perhaps Mr Little and Mr Davis you might like to consider that option. Jump to another waka. At least, as Labour MPs, you won’t have to shell-out $300,000.

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Fryday...on Fire

Let me ask you a question.

Did you know—before this week’s revelations—that there are rumours about Clarke Gaylord-Ardern?

Second question: Do you know what those rumours are?

I am going to hazard a guess that the answer to both those questions is no.

Nor do I. Nor do I care.

Except for this: In drawing attention to these rumours and assigning them to “dirty politics” Jacinda Ardern and Winston Peters have been both opportunistic and, worse, incredibly naïve. There is no way in the world that these rumours—whatever they allege—are initiated by political opponents.

How do I know this?

First, I have been around politics for a long time and I know that’s not the way it is done. Sure, things are “known” but they are not spread around. There is such a thing as “glasshouses” which is very effective in prevarication of rumours about a political opponent.

Second, a politician’s family and partner are off limits, not particularly because of laudatory motives, but more openly because there is no political capital in attacking them. In fact, quite the reverse—they can elicit sympathy.

So, is the National Party, as implied by Ardern (Jacinda) and Peters, behind these rumours? No. And are Ardern and Peters in public perception made to look foolish for implying they are? Again, the answer is no. The reason being that generally we are inclined to think the worst of people. Ardern and Peters, as seasoned politicians, know this: they are prepared to fan the fire.

Unfortunately for them, in drawing attention to these rumours they have forgotten the public’s propensity toward another old adage regarding fire: where there is smoke… .

I feel sorry for Gayford. I think he is the innocent victim here, and I sympathise about the rumours. But I also think he should question the judgement of his partner in making political capital out of them.

Winston's Winter

I have my concerns and reservations about our new government. Most revolve around its stability and its impact on the economy.

However, I have neither the foresight nor the inclination to dwell on them now. What I have though is a distaste and a concern about the events of last night. And, no, I don’t mean the supposed brinkmanship, the “missed” deadlines or even the decision. I mean the way it was handled; it was a mess.

Let’s start with Winston’s speech. First, it had a Trump-like credibility as Winston unsuccessfully tried to deny that a party with just 9 out of 120 seats and 7.2% of the votes was deciding who would govern us for the next 3 years. Then, he, again unsuccessfully, tried to defend how long it took to arrive at that decision, comparing it spuriously to the German election result whilst conveniently not mentioning that our problem was not the length of the deliberations but the number of missed deadlines—read promises—that Winston made. Then there was the clincher: Winter is Coming. A supposed downturn in the global economy persuaded Winston and his caucus that our only protection from it lay with him turning to the Left, instead of to the Right who had so effectively protected us from the Global Financial Crisis of 2007—2008.

We would have been better off electing Jon Snow.

And then, there was the whole unfolding event being predicated on the supposition that The Greens would join the Labour/NZ First coalition. Yes, it seemed a foregone conclusion and there was a Memorandum of Understanding with Labour to that effect. But only with Labour. It didn’t include NZ First. If I had been Bill English I would have been on the phone to James Shaw immediately after Winston made his announcement and before Shaw made his conference call. In fact, I would have made my call to Shaw immediately after the election and offered The Greens the opportunity to make a real change by becoming the environmental wing of a strong stable government—and shutting Winston out altogether and forever.

But, no, it wouldn’t probably have worked. The Green Party has its head so far up its arse it has perpetual tunnel vision and it will take a colossal and polluting dump for them to come out and see the real world.

So, one final word on last night’s surreal events: two, really: Kelvin Davis. Did you see the look on his face as he stood behind Jacinda during her acceptance speech? It certainly wasn’t the face of a winner; it was the face of what it was—a loser. A deputy leader of the party who would form the government but would not be the deputy leader of that government. I could actually feel sorry for him had he not been such an arrogant prat leading up to the election. As it is, he will probably be further punished for his demeanour last night—it was not a good look.

In fact, nothing about last night was a good look for the parties involved, for the country, for MMP, or, dare I say it, for the future. You might be right, Winston: winter may be coming. It may already have arrived.

Winston Meets Weinstein

Winston Peters lost his Northland seat for four reasons.

First, it was never his in the first place. Second, National put up a strong candidate who worked hard—very hard—to regain the seat. Third, Winston’s heart was never in Northland; we hardly saw him here and he did nothing for us. Fourth, Northlanders were the first, on mass, to see Winston for what he is: a charlatan and a sham.

Now the rest of New Zealand are seeing it.

It’s not the negotiations; they are inevitable under MMP and a hung election. It is that once again they involve Winston Peters, for whom being important, or being perceived to be, is a pathological hunger. One that he will prolong as long as possible.

He is childish and pathetic, and so are his promises.

First, he told us all on election night that he would announce a coalition decision no later than October 12; that was yesterday. Now he tells us that it will be an indeterminate date in the future because it will be a New Zealand First Board decision and some of the board—and we don’t know who the board is—have to attend funerals.

This is farcical.

The only funeral they should be attending is that for a realistic, progressive and mature democracy in New Zealand. And if anybody really thinks that a coalition decision is a board decision rather than a Winston decision they are living in a different world.

For the rest of us, we are once again left with a shambolic mess, thanks to one man.

Winston is treating us like Harvey Weinstein treats his actresses.

We are being screwed.

Welcome Home Hone

Are you over it yet? I am. It is not fun. It is not striking. It is a pain-in-the-butt. Above all, it is not what they say it is. I am talking about the general election. Those are my descriptions of it, and I would like to think that they are wholly accurate and widely shared. The media, however, have another and it is both omnipresent and inaccurate; they describe the current election as “the most volatile of recent times.” It is not. Except for a late leadership change by one of the major parties, this election is no more volatile than any other that I can remember. What is volatile are the polls, and even there the swing margins hover around the margin of error, and I have to wonder whether polls have any credibility at all despite the breathless and dramatic way they are teased and presented by television commentators. Yet another “shock poll” anyone? Fact is, most of the so-called volatility is a media beat up. A relieved media. Before Andrew Little was rolled, the media were confronted with what probably would be the most boring—and predictable—election ever. But, then came Jacinda, and the orgasmic-glee of the media was palpable. Whoever in the media coined the phrase The Jacinda Effect has a job for life. But that is all it is—a media beat-up, by desperate media. We deserve better. At the very least, we deserve not to be treated as idiots…as ratings. I am over it. But, before I go, I will stick my neck out. Fryday will make some predictions about this election. Obviously, some or all of them may not eventuate, but I don’t care. For this, the most boring (not volatile) election I have ever experienced, I need to live a little dangerously. My predictions are:

• National will win handsomely and become the government without the need for a collation partner.
• Labour will be ten seats short.
• New Zealand First will return to Parliament but only on the party vote.
• Winston Peters will not win the Northland electorate vote.
• Hone Harawira and Mana will return to Parliament when Hone wins Te Tai Tokerau.
• The Greens are gone.
• ACT has left the stage.
• Hamilton will still be Hamilton.

When Whetu Calls: On Winston Peters

New Zealand First leader Winston Peters is the new MP for the Northland electorate, the electorate in which I now reside. I haven’t met him, I have no reason to. But my friend Whetu has, and he has a reason. Here is what transpired.

ME (Whetu): Kia Ora, Bro.
HE (Winnie): Good morning.
ME: Choice you sees me, ‘cause I wasn’t one of those fellas whose voted for youse.
HE: As the new Member of Parliament for Northland I see it as my job to represent all the people of Northland—Maori, Pakeha, Everybody. Northland has been neglected for too         long by this Government. The people of Northland have voted me in to send a clear message to John Key and his cronies in Wellington.
ME: So, we don’t have to use email then? Choice!
HE: What can I do for you? I have an important appointment.
ME: I want to knows what happened to the two miles.
HE: Two miles? What two miles?
ME: You knows Ninety Mile Beach?
HE: Yes.
ME: It isn’t.
HE: Isn’t what?
ME: Ninety miles.
HE: What on earth are you talking about? This is a waste of my time. I have a message to…
ME: I been on my mate’s computer and I looks it up on that Wiki thing and it says that Ninety Mile Beach is really eighty-eight miles.
HE: So?
ME: Sos, I want to know where the other two miles went.
HE: What???
ME: I think those Pakeha fellas took it and me and my mates wants compo…compaps…compon…money for it.
HE: Compensation.
ME: That’s it! Youse choice with words.
HE: Look, I haven’t time for this. My job is to send a clear message to Wellington. I have no time for you—or your mates. I have an important appointment.
ME: Whats more important than ours two miles?
HE: My hairdresser.

Game of groans

I am a recent and late convert to Game of Thrones. I missed it when it was first broadcast in New Zealand but have viewed all the repeat screenings from the beginning currently playing on one of Sky’s pop-up channels ahead of the new season in April.
In terms of grandeur and scale, Game of Thrones is probably without precedent in television. And it could sit comfortably on the big screen. It is right up there with feature films such as Kingdom of Heaven, Gladiator and the hey-day of epics such as Ben Hur and El Cid. It has  a cast of thousands—8000 I read—and the attention to costumes and sets is exquisite.
So too the scripts.
But you know all this. There is a legion of fans in New Zealand and world-wide. You may well be one of them, and I am preaching to the already converted.
So, let me focus on one small part of the programme. A very small part of the programme, that, conversely, proves size does not matter when taken out of and beyond context.
I am talking about Peter Dinklage.
Dinklage plays Lord Tyrion Lannister, a Machiavellian character of epic proportions. Yet he and by connotation the character he plays is only 1.3 metres tall. In the programme Tyrion Lannister is described variously as a dwarf, half-man and an imp. Under the guise of fiction and fantasy you can obviously and refreshingly get away from political correctness. Lannister’s size is crucial to his character. There is no getting away from that. The scriptwriters have capitalised on it to great effect. Lannister is derided, humiliated and ridiculed because of his size. And this is within his own family!
But, here is the thing. For the viewer, with Dinklage in charge and in his capable hands and care, Lannister’s size become secondary. Put simply, Dinklage takes this character and imparts within it such finesses that the 1.3 metre Tyrion Lannister dominates the screen whenever he is on it. The camera loves him and Dinklage/Lannister obviously reciprocates, treating the camera (and the viewer) with respect and affection. In a single scene Dinklage can deliver us a gamut of emotions and within that self-same scene we can respond in equal measure with sorrow, sympathy, disgust and fear. And often humour.
The only other actors who have been able to do that for me are Robert Downey Jr and, in earlier days, Jimmy Cagney—significantly both also small of stature.
So, is there is lesson to be learned from that last fact—small men, accomplished actors, who can through force of will and personality alone make us believe anything?
Only that Winston Peters may indeed after all win the Northland by-election.

Whetu Solves the World's Problems

I hope I am not courting fate when I proffer the hope that New Zealand is in for a happier year in 2012 than it experienced for much of 2010 and 2011. Touch wood that the only residual dark cloud is nothing new and indeed is so prevalent and perpetual to be almost non-existent: the performance of the NZ national cricket team. It won’t get any easier for them, coming off an Australian tour and then having the South Africans here.
But elsewhere I detect that despite electing a government the majority of us wanted and winning a world cup that we needed—and note there the relative priorities—its still been a hard year. I think the government should make it mandatory that we all take a two-week break after Christmas to recoup and recover and marshal our ravished recourses.
The country can run itself for a while can’t it? Alternatively we could just give it to the Maori Party to run for a couple of weeks—by the time they had finished with the consultative hui etc nothing will have happened, a fortnight will have gone by, and the power base will have been restored. Or maybe we should just let Phil Goff have a go for a couple of weeks—bit like giving the retiring front row prop a kick at goal when the game is already won (or lost)—fun, a nice gesture but ultimately meaningless. Hone would be good except that he would probably be on the first plane to Paris for a fortnight. Then there is Winston—ah, Winston—what would Winston do if given power for a couple of weeks? Well, you couldn’t of course. He would never take it. Two weeks? Two terms more like it, that would be his negotiating position, and then he would be so contrary he would also demand the post of Leader of the Opposition, in opposition to himself.
So, if we did have an enforced break as a nation who should we put in charge? My mate Whetu says it should be him. He says he has the perfect panacea for our ills. He says he wouldn’t need to be prime minister for a fortnight. He would just take us all down to the pub on the first day, Treasury would shout a few Lion Reds, we would collectively solve all the world’s problems in one afternoon and then his government would send us all on hols for a couple of weeks—at their cost. Which is kinda where we started, eh? Go Whetu!