Laid...back again

Last week we looked at the 17 jobs that made us attractive to the opposite sex. This stemmed from the popular perception that actors and other show people can attract and bed salivating fans of the opposite and same sex at will and with gay abandon. They can’t. For example tonight I will perform (on stage) before 130 people. I doubt that any will exhibit the slightest inclination to have sex with me. And any that do will probably be attracted by my closet of tight yellow trousers, pink see-through shirt and mauve chiffon scarves, which will make them of only little interest to me. Nevertheless acting still rates “up there” as an attractor. So, let’s go down. What are the least successful jobs as sex-magnets? These were harder to find. Impossible, in fact, for me to find. There is none on the Internet. So, I made up my own. In doing so, I place myself at great risk of offending everybody in these categories. But the way I look at it, and the point of this exercise is, if nobody else finds you attractive why should I? My 17 jobs least likely to get you laid are:

1. Bus drivers: have a long one but too quick to pull out and difficult to make a pass at.
2. Car salesmen: those gold chains are so abrasive.
3. Council workers: cynical view of the world and can never be quite convinced you would be remotely interested in them.
4. Gynecologist: just how many can he handle?
5. Hamiltonians: cows have to rest some time.
6. High court judges: no longer able to sit around in robes and wigs so have lost interest.
7. Masochists: attractive only to sadists—sex-deprivation is part of the game.
8. Politicians: despised by all and sundry, only a sadist would apply (see masochist above).
9. Radio jocks: honey voices but still hankering after those far off pirate days of being out on a boat with 20 other men.
10. Real Estate salesperson: we all know they over-sell.
11. Rodney Hide: suffers from premature ejaculation and the need to put it all together before he can get a big one.
12. Rugby league players: generally hunt in packs and hard to get alone.
13. Sex Therapist: Knows the theory, can’t put it into practice.
14. Solitaire Players: prefer to play with themselves.
15. Suicide bombers: their perverted ideas of what a blowjob entails repulses.
16. Teacher: who wants to lay there while they explain it to you?
17. TV Newsreader: so, I should be interested in YOU why?