Dear John: Gadaffi2

Exalted Leader of the Free Peoples of Aotearoa New Zeland
Parliament House
Auckland
New Zeland

Dear John

Greetings from the free peoples and martyrs of Libya.
I hear you have nice children but one wife only. This is not good thing. A leader should have many wifes so to have many childrens and to not tire one wife. With many childrens a leader has loyalty of family aginst traitorous spawn of leprous camel droppings.
I say this as friend John Keyes.
So that you might haves the loyaties and loves of your peoples I am sending you some of my wifes to share the bed and the burden of your wife. This is generous it is true. But Allah tells me is right.
So I know that you will have satisfies I have decided to come too. And I shall bring our other wifes and our many childrens. This is generous it is true. But I know that the peoples of Libya must sacrifice themselves of their much loved leader to help their brothers in the free land of Aotearoa New Zeland. They says I go and I do as my peoples bid.
I will be there in time for Rugby World Cup. Please have box ready.

Your friend

Muammar.

Dear John

President John Keys
Prime Minister New Zeland
Parliament House
Auckland
New Zeland

Dear John

To the exalted leader of the free peoples of Aotearoa New Zeland—greetings.

After 42 years as benign father to my peoples, God is telling me that the time has come for me to rest. But my peoples will not allow me this rest. They will not let me go. Even as I here write I hear their chants from the street. “Gaddafi must die as President,” they say. I am touched. I am much loved.

So, I must leave Libya so that I might rest. And soon. And in secret.

I am offering myself to a number of countries. Allah be praised that New Zeland is one of them. I have heard much of your country from the many Maories peoples who have trained here with my armed forces. I know that you have much sheep and the Maories peoples tell me that much of your peoples are like sheeps. This is much loved by me.

I know that in New Zeland the people will welcome me as they welcomed convicts from all lands so long ago.

So, John Keys, I offer to you myself. I bestow myself and my family and wives on the peoples of New Zeland. I shall comes next week.

Please have palace ready.

Your friend

Muammar.

1. I have today transferred into your bank accounts US$1 Billion. Please use it to buy me taxi license. I don’t wish to be a burden to your country.

2. Please let Hone know I am coming.

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