As Cecil C. Sackrider Sees It: The Lord Cometh Over Me Again.

The Lord has cometh over me again. And this is what the Lord hath said. No man shall enter the Kingdom of God who hath worshipped false gods. Hallelujah, say I; Awesome, says my wife Billie-Jo, barely (and often) sixteen years of age. For what the Lord is telling us is that no man who votes for Donald S. Trump shall enter the Kingdom of God. It saith in the Good Book that we shall not worship false profits. And whomsoever is such a worshipper of mammon than Donald S. Trump? The maker of profits. The Republican Party is the party of God. Ordained by God to rule in God’s name. George W. Bush was God’s anointed one and His greatest gift to our great nation. Holy be Praised our Father, for He has come again. As did George Bush Senior so many years ago, and given us a second Bush, John Ellis “Jeb” Bush to save us. So saith the Lord to me, last night when I was with Billie-Jo and at our prayers. And so I saith unto you—friends—that you must heed the Word of God and save yourself from damnation. You must vote for Jeb Bush. And you must cast out so that he is enveloped and drowned in the  depths of Mammon that scourge of God’s society, that succubus of satan, that worshipper of false profits: Donald S. Trump. Mammon is evil. Money is evil. Cast it away. Cast it away now: send your gifting of $100 (tax deductible) to our Saving Christians Against Mammon (SCAM) fund to help us help the White house to once again be the home and haven of the True Faith and that Faith be through God’s anointed second son of George H.W. Bush, Jeb Bush.

• For a list of God’s Gifts, as delivered personally by God to Pastor Cecil C. Sackrider (handwriting verified), send a check or money order (minimum US$99.99) to the Cecil C. Sackrider Ministry 1069E West 35 Street Montgomery Alabama United States of America, Zip Code 666.  Checks should be made out to CASH (Congregation Against Satan’s Handiwork). All donations over US$50,000 go into the draw to win a personal phone call from Our Lord, as delivered by Pastor Sackrider.

The Real McCaw (2)

This week we have lost from rugby two of its biggest names, though of course for vastly different reasons—one a tragedy. But as we all mourn the passing of Jonah Lomu at such a young age, we can I think call it a point of maturity—not to say, common sense—that we have not allowed it to overshadow Richie McCaw’s retirement announcement. That announcement was handled superbly, I thought. It paid homage to the great Jonah, sensitively mixing sadness and some humour, and then it moved on. As I now do. In fact, I move back. Rarely does Fryday repeat any of its postings, but I am here repeating one I wrote on December 16, 2011, when it was first mooted that Richie McCaw was right to decline a knighthood—then! And that was then. Now is different and whilst I have changed nothing of the earlier posting I think it still has relevance today. By the way and as some small barometer of the esteem in which Richie is held, this December 16 edition is the most read of all Fryday blog posts since I started recording them in May 2010. The second is a Fryday post (29/6/12) that opined Mickey Mouse was gay. I do not think the two are connected. Here is what I wrote on Richie.


"This morning the Prime Minister revealed on Radio Sport that he offered All Black captain Richie McCaw a knighthood in the New Year’s Honours List. John Key further revealed that Richie had declined because he (McCaw) felt it was too early for such an honour. Implicitly that left the door open for one later, and most New Zealanders would probably applaud that. Having said that, I can think of a number of New Zealanders who have accepted the honour who are far less deserving of it. The criteria of who gets a knighthood these days seems to be a lot looser than that of the Knights of Old and Knights of Bold. If we go back to those days, to gain a knighthood one had—generally—to be brave, chivalrous, to exhibit considerable prowess on the battlefield, and to be diligent in protecting the sanctity of a woman’s maidenhood. Well, if we replace battlefield with rugby field and acknowledge that protecting maidenhoods may be more honoured in the breech than the observance, nobody would be more qualified than Richie. But it won’t be this time. Richie’s decision. But when they do come knocking again—as they will, perhaps on your retirement Richie—accept it then. You deserve it. We deserve it. It honours you. And in some way it honours us, and who we like to think of ourselves--the Real McCaw.

The Not So Secret Diary of Handsome Sampson

So, Auckland’s least kept secret is out.
I am not standing for re-election.
Or as Bevan would have said it jocularly in those long ago fun fun days I am not “standing” for re-erection. Oh, those days (and nights) were wonderful. Even these days (and nights) I lie in bed, alone, clawing back every golden moment—the touch, the feel, the silk, the whip(s)—He He.
Will those moments come again?
Will I?
As for Suckland? You can suck yourself. I am not bitter. But as a city, you do not know what you are losing. And you know why you don’t know? Let me tell you—you do not know what you are losing because you are so used to losing that you don’t recognise it anymore. You don’t know a loser when you see one. I knew that as soon as you elected me.
Now you have lost me.
Suck on that.
(Why does she keep coming back to me?)
And what are you going to get to replace me? Goff? Banks?
Don’t make me laugh. Neither of them is twice the man I am. Neither of them will even begin to leave the legacy I have left Suckland. I will go down (oh God, not again) as the greatest mayor this city has ever had. Or ever will have. It was me! It was me who gave the councillors their new chambers and toilets, it was me who gave council staff their new building, it was me who gave every Sucklander the right to look after their berms, it was me who enabled every Sucklander paying rates the chance to contribute more to their city.
Their city.
Not mine.
I cannot be part of a city that has no gratitude.
Will I miss anything?
No.
Will you miss anything?
Yes.
Everything.
Did you see my speech welcoming the All Blacks back after their World Cup win? How jocular was I? All that rousing magic I delivered. And did you see me give the “key” to Richie, joking that there was no actual key? You don’t find that kind of humour everyday. No wonder people often call me a joke.
So, I am going. Gone.
I would have won again, you know that don’t you?
The people love me.
The people love me.
The people love me.
“Len, you are the MAN!”
How often I think that—lying in bed clawing back every golden moment—alone.

Letters from Wogistan: Rugby World Cup

The Democratic Republic of Wogistan (Inc.)

Office of the Foreign Secretary

123 Bruce Springsteen Boulevard (third door on right). Telephone: 125.

The President

World Rugby Union Federation

Rugby House

London

England

Dear President Jonah Lomu

The Democratic Republic of Wogistans peoples send instruction to you that Rugby World Cup 2015 final not final.

The Democratic Republic of Wogistan say in letter last month the Wogistan Rugby Team of President Yoseph Flaglantelie play final game against aged foe New Zeland. President Yoseph Flaglantelie come to Twickenham London England (gate 1B) in time for match with boots but not allowed in by security guard.

New Zeland fight Australia instead. Not worthy apponent. Australia empty of many peoples, just many kangaroos who not play rugby and men who hate homosexuals peoples.

The Democratic Republic of Wogistan demands Capitaine Ritchie McCaw returns World Cup and play match again against Wogistan. By way of sorry to Democratic Republic of Wogistan, game to be played in Wogistan (we send bus).

Game to take place after corn harvest when playing field again available.

With sincere facilitations,

Yoseph xxx

Yoseph Wankerstan

Foreign Secretary The Democratic Republic of Wogistan (Inc.)

Proprietor Spartacus Male Gym and Bathouse.