Laid Back

If you have ever wondered about your acting ability, and you probably haven’t, try playing a gay guy. I am doing that at the moment. I thought it would be a measure of the credibility of my performance, and therefore my acting, to see whether I am attractive to men in that role or even indeed I am propositioned. I wasn’t. Moreover, I wasn’t propositioned by women either! That’s unusual for an actor.
Or is it? Common belief is that an actor, by virtue of their profession alone, is attractive to a person of the opposite sex—and to the same sex for that matter. We all believe that, don’t we? Well, in my boredom and with no real prospect of being propositioned in the near future, I decided to research that. My simple question? Will being an actor get me laid? Failing that, should I try something else? The answer is…try something else. It seems, according to one credible research foundation that published their research on the Internet, acting is not among the top 17 professions guaranteed to get you laid. Nor is road-building Barry. Instead the top 17 in order are:

1. Architect: Build me something as good-looking as you.
2. Glassblower: Really any job with blow in the title will do.
3. Firefighter: Drool over their calendars with us.
4. Doctor: Everyone wants some sexual healing ... especially if you’re a freelance blogger without health insurance.
5. Celebrity: Pick a groupie, any groupie.
6. Librarian: But you only stack up if you’re hot.
7. High-Ranking Soldier: Lookin’ so fine in that tight, fancy uniform.
8. Porn Star: Your job is to get laid.
9. Model (Preferably Underwear Or Bikini): You’re a professional hottie who can make us buy whatever you’re selling.
10. Hotel Concierge: You’ve got the keys to everybody’s room/heart.
11. Photographer: You can compliment and direct your subject til they take off their all clothes. Yes, yes, make love to the camera!
12. Bartender: You’re surrounded by drunk singles looking to mingle.
13. Musician/DJ: You can play peeps like you do tunes.
14. Personal Trainer: Let’s get physical.
15. Delivery Boy: Or girl, they come to you. This sadly does not apply to stanky messengers who run around all day.
16. Pilot/Flight Attendant: That jaunty cap, the mile-high club, man, there are just so many reasons we want to fly the extra-friendly skies.
17. Furniture Craftsman: They’ll give you more than one thing to sit on.

A good actor may be a celebrity (5) but that is as close as we come. Or don’t. So it appears that I fail both as an actor and as a lover. What is even more dispiriting in my quest to get laid is that “writer” doesn’t appear on the list either, which makes writing Fryday each Friday something of a pointless exercise, doesn’t it? But I won’t stop—in my next Fryday I’ll reveal the top 17 jobs guaranteed not to get you laid. I have an awful feeling council worker may be among them. Are you ready for that Barry?