G’day cobber and hog-tie that kangaroo down sport.
I reckon we in the great state of Ohio and you good folk down there in New Zealand have a lot in common. Sure we don’t have kangaroos and you don’t have grizzlies (I think), but the way I look at it folk is folk all over the world (except in Muslim countries) and the more folk talk to each other and share what brings them together the more peace we will have in the world.
Hi, my name is Mitch Mantell and like you I work in the media. I am the editor of the Freeport Bugle, right here in Freeport Ohio. I have a reporting staff of three, including my wife Mandy Mantell, and a readership of most everybody in town—which numbers about 245. I also run the local radio station, KSF—“The Sound of the Free” and am the morning DJ.
I sure would like to know more about you. So I hope you will get back to me on that.
You may not know it, but New Zealand appears a lot on our televisions these days, particularly John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight. Your prime minister, John Key, is a favorite, and your Steven Joyce got a mention because of that dildo in the face thing. As far as I know we have only one dildo in Freeport (Margaret Fraptor’s) so nobody will be throwing that away in a hurry.
Talking of dildos: Donald Trump. What do you folks down there think about him? I guess you are likely to be fairly divided on him. He certainly polarizes us over here. Freeport is Republican through and through, but even here there are folk for him and folk agin him. I reckon I sit on the fence (which gives me and Margaret something in common, Ha Ha) and I think he is a sound businessman. But President? The jury is out. On the good side, he is not going to touch our guns and his immigration policy—I like his thinking on Mexicans and Muslims. We had a Mexican here in town a few years ago and although his restaurant was okay there wasn’t much else to like about him. Never had a Muslim. You got any Muslims and Mexicans down there? On the bad side, I don’t see Mr Trump lasting the distance—really, I don’t. I reckon he would get bored at that job. He might find a few Muslim countries to bomb, but there are only so many of those and as Billy-Ray Johnson up there on Smoky Ridge says, if you can’t look varmints in the eye while blasting them it just ain’t sport. So, I reckon it is no use having the likes of Donald Trump as the President of our great nation if we can’t have him for long. I think Ted Cruz is the better bet. Lasts longer and I like his thinking on gays—not that there are a lot of gays in Freeport. Not no more.
Anyways, I’ll just get out and vote like most folk and I guess the result will be God’s hands. I have more immediate things to do, like writing tomorrow’s lead story on Mrs Silvester and her giant pussy—the state champion three years running. We are right proud of that.
So, I sure hope to receive a reply from downunder. I might even publish it in the newspaper because folk here don’t know too much about New Zealand, other than dildos and boomerangs We can’t all be editors—Ha Ha.
Write soon and God Bless The United States of America and the Great Nation of New Zealand.
Yours truly
Mitch Mantell
Editor, Freeport Bugle.
PS: From one editor to another, you have spelt Friday wrong—an I not a Y. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment