Whetu Calls: It's in the water

MEDIA RELEASE Watercare Names New Chief Executive Watercare Services Limited has announced its replacement for outgoing chief executive Mark Ford. He is Whetu TeWhetu, a 56 year-old analyst from the brewing industry. Mr TeWhetu says he is excited about the challenges of stepping into the sweeping shoes of the versatile, if sometimes volatile, Mark Ford. "That's if he leaves his shoes, eh. I got to look under the desk. That's if those fellas gives me a desk 'cause I not had one of those before, eh," says Mr TeWhetu. Industry analysts say Mr TeWhetu should have little difficulty fitting into his new role, pointing to his substantial experience in the brewing industry. Commentators attribute the growth of that industry to Mr TeWhetu, and he is seen by some to be even its saviour. Mr TeWhetu is more modest but does agree that he, along with "colleagues and associates", may have been a contributor to increased beer consumption patterns, particularly during the league season. "What wes got here (with Watercare) is just another drink, eh? And we knows all about drinking, so Ise the right fella for this job." The Maori Party and Mana Party have both endorsed the appointment of Mr TeWhetu. Mana Party leader Hone Harawira says the appointment sends a clear signal to "whities" that Maori own water, and the Government should be "afraid, very afraid." Mr TeWhetu was previously Hone Harawira's travel agent. However, Mr TeWhetu himself is a little more self-effacing and circumspect. He acknowledges in his first media interview since the appointment that he is not quite sure what either term means, but happily confirms that he was "circumspected" at birth. Elsewhere in the political spectrum, opinions are divided. When asked what he thought of Mr TeWhetu, Prime Minister John Key was suitably succinct: "Who?". Opposition leader David Shearer was even more scathing, saying you cannot trust anyone from "that Cunliffe bunch." Mr TeWhetu denied any personal knowledge of Cunliffe. "Me and the missus don't do that sort of thing," he says. "But I do knows a few shearers in my time down King Country. Good fellas." When asked what his first decision will be when he takes the reins from Mr Ford on January 1st, Mr TeWhetu was characteristically blunt and decisive. "My first ting eh, is to change the name. Ise gonna change the name to Wai Care, eh? 'Cause that's what the fellas and the fellesses tink around here, eh. Wai Care. And for white fellas, they good Maori fellas." Mayor Len Brown says Mr TeWhetu will bring a new dimension to Wai Care. ENDS. For further information: you media fellas look me up on Googles or buys me a drink at the Kaipara Tavern on Satday.