Taking The Mickey

I have been wondering where the phrase “It’s Mickey Mouse…” comes from. Its dictionary definition is something that can be described as trivial, unimportant and uncoordinated. But that still doesn’t tell me where the phrase originates and who or was Mickey? Well, apparently the phrase refers to the Disney character Mickey Mouse (as you would expect). But that still remains a mystery to me because whilst Mickey may be the first “gay” mouse and certainly had a bestial relationship with a dog named Goofy, I am not sure you can describe him as unimportant. And while I am on the subject: how come Goofy could talk but Pluto couldn’t? But, my trusty dictionary says that all of the above characteristics can be attributed to the character of Mickey Mouse. So I must accept that: anything that is trivial, unimportant and uncoordinated, as in the Maori Party, Peter Dunne and the Hamilton City Council, is indeed Mickey Mouse. And, no, I am not taking the Mickey.

The 2012 Hamilton Public Library Book of Lists

Chilly nights and clear days again signal the advent of winter, and with it the Hamilton Public Library’s annual book of lists—those books, periodicals and other media that captured the interest of the good folk of Hamilton over the past 12 months. As always Fryday is indebted to the librarians of Hamilton for whom a book is both a passion and a blessed escape. • Best Academic Publication: An Idiot’s Guide to the Amstrad. • Most Popular Reference: A guide to proper speling to grammer. • Best History: Coronation Street--The Early Years. • Best Historical Romance: My time with Ena—a fan’s remembrance of Ena Sharples. • Best Biography: Fogs, Fags and Frigates—A History of Hamiltonians in the New Zealand Navy. • Most Popular Calendar: The PGG Bevy of Bovine Beauties. • Best Fitness Book: Calisthenics in the Cow Shed. • Public Vote for the Saddest Book: My Life as a Farmer’s Wife by Una Rutt. • Public Vote for Most Uplifting Book: At least we are not Palmerston North, published by the Hamilton City Council Communications Unit. • Best Relationship Book: Your Wife and Your Cow—an Introduction, by A Farmer. • Most Inspirational: God’s Plan for Hamilton when He gets back from Auckland. • Best Council Publication: Waiting for God—The Long Term Council Community Plan. • Most Personal Religious Testimony: God Help Me, an Aucklander’s Life in Hamilton. • Best Magazine or Periodical: Straight Furrow (for the fourth straight year) and equalled this year for the first time by Straight Fellow—Hamilton’s New Magazine for Closet Gays. • Most Popular DIY: Bound for Glory—A Life in Bondage, and How to Achieve it. • Most Popular DVD (Series): Best of A Dog Show from the 80s. • Most Popular DVD (Single): Hamilton KFCs—A Visual Feast. • Most Popular CD: Barry Manilow—The Golden Years. • Most Popular Cassette Tape: Barry Manilow—The Golden Years. • Most Stolen Book: How to set up a Neighbourhood Watch Group. • Best Waikato University Academic Thesis: Harry Potter and the Lessons for Hamilton. • Best University Publication: Auckland University Application Form. • Best Hamilton Book: Next to Matamata—A Guide to Hamilton. • Least Borrowed Book: (again) Fryday, The Bound Edition. • Most Borrowed Book: (Tie) A Submissive’s Life, The Bound Edition (and) Flat Out, the New Evidence, by the Hamilton Flat Earth Society. • Most Eagerly Anticipated Sequel: More Time with Ena—A Follow Up to My Time With Ena Sharples.

Boardtalk Empire

We heard the news yesterday that Auckland Council’s powerful Strategy and Finance Committee is to recommend that the council’s Independent Maori Statutory Board receive $3.1 million in funding next year, $150,000 less than last year. Some will no doubt comment on the propriety of that level of funding for a nine-person, part-time board and even the need for such a board. I invite them to go for it. But what I want to comment on is the reaction of the board’s chair David Taipari, who told Radio New Zealand that the new funding was “adequate” and his board could act within it. I bet they can. But it is what Mr Taipari is reported to have said next that astounded me. He is apparently unperturbed about the funding reduction because “it could be made up in other ways.” He didn’t specify what ways but indicated a reallocation of funding sources. What sources? Presumably they are also from within council, whose statutory board this is. If so haven’t we as ratepayers the right to know what is the full and honest extent and sources of appropriations to these boards? For Mr Taipari to hint at some secret (my term) funding to make up the shortfall is at least honest but it is also arrogant and stupefying in that arrogance. It says to me that he is saying to us that it doesn’t matter how much (the council) votes to give the board, the board will get what it wants anyway. Incidentally, when I goggled the Maori Statutory Board I was directed to the council’s website where I was told, “The page you are looking for is not here. We’ve been tidying up our content so it may have been moved.” Well is that something they can spend the $3.1 million on for a start? Just saying.

Clash with Cash

Yesterday Minister of Finance, Bill English, was asked how he felt delivering a budget when “he” had no money. Much like the rest of us I suppose; there are degrees of wealth and poverty but the thing they mostly have in common this that discretionary money finds its own level and there are few among us who have much cash to spare. In my case my BMW with a rapacious taste for petrol and an owner with an equally rapacious taste for single-malts have seen to that. But the cashless society, using the term in another context, was borne home to me in two other ways this week. One was when I cashed in some loose coinage collected over a three-month period. The total collected, as calculated by a helpful ANZ teller (almost as rare as cash today), was $204. Much more than I expected and, at that level, quite a nice savings mechanism had I not then promptly spent it with my second clash with cash. I made a $150 purchase at a shop paying for it with the newly garnered, freshly minted, and still teller-perfumed notes. The retail assistant—formerly known as the kid behind the counter—was fleetingly confused. Cash? I am not sure she quite knew how to handle that, or at least the part that required giving me change. She asked if I had a credit card instead.

Groser and Grosser

Claire Trevett’s article in Wednesday’s Herald about MPs’ spending overseas gained the attention it deserved, which was almost nil. The subject has been hashed over incessantly, usually to cover a slow news period. Initially it was of prurient interest, but it is a sign of increasing maturity, I think, that it now solicits no interest, other than from a junior reporter. We have better things to do than monitor the laundry requirements of our ministers. What matter that Trade Minister Tim Groser’s staff spent $490 having their underwear laundered. I would suggest that it would be a lot grosser having Groser wear his underwear over two days or, grosser still, reversed. Murray McCully spent $473 over dinner at Trader Jacks entertaining Cook Island government ministers. So? I have had a bottle of wine that cost more than that. The point is that in questioning these expenses we start to demean ourselves. We diminish New Zealand. Would we want our prime minister, for example, to be seen flying economy class? As a country, could we not afford anything better? Or are we that small-minded? As someone who has worked closely with politicians, I know they work hard, at least unless they are a List MP, and I wouldn’t have their jobs for quids. I don’t see a $490 laundry bill as a reward, it’s hardly that, but if it makes life easier for them I have no problem with ministers airing their dirty laundry—and I would thank Claire Trevett not to thrust it in my face.

Banks for Nothing

Friday usually starts for Fryday with the donning of tracksuit pants, the push-button immediacy of the coffee machine and overnight email correspondence. This morning the tracksuit pants were put on backwards, the push-button immediacy was forestalled by an empty reservoir and my only email was a promise that I could “get it on all night” if I purchased some pills. I have re-clothed myself and refilled the reservoir, but after two very late nights (which I think contributed to the pants), I despair of a present inability to get it on all night, pills or no pills. It’s been a busy time and whilst that can affect all things, including relationships, I am emboldened by a strong relationship and a will to win—with or without the whiskey. I am a bit like Banks in that regard. John Banks is the antithesis of the Teflon politician; every piece of mud thrown at him sticks. He attracts it. Yet he disregards it, seemingly with aplomb and superiority. As an experienced politician he might be relying on the much held belief that it will all blow over. Banks might be right in that, but I think not. This thing is already as big as Kim Dotcom and will get bigger. My understanding is that too many people know too much about this affair, and Mr Dotcom controls them, what they know and the timing of delivery. Watch this space—or any space—it's coming. Banks on it.

Waltz With Me

Today we note the death of legendary singer-drummer Levon Helm. He died in his adopted state of New York, aged 71, after a decade-long battle with throat cancer.
Levon Helm is little known these days and even in his hey-day few outside of a hard-core group of fans knew him, but they knew his band—The Band.
Levon Helm was the group’s drummer and founding member. The Band started as The Hawks backing the hard-drinking-hard-living Rockabilly artist Ronnie Hawkins. Ronnie is purported to have promised Levon and the other Hawks—Robbie Robertson (yes, him), Garth Hudson, Rick Danko and Richard Manuel—no money but “all the pussy you can eat.”
But it was not with Ronnie that they found their fame or even their infamy. It was with Dylan. They became Bob Dylan’s backing band when he went electric. Like him, they were the target of a sustained and vitriolic campaign by aggrieved folkies. Dylan didn’t care. Levon didn’t care. The Band didn’t care. They didn’t even have a name to that point, and wouldn’t have one until they launched their first album, the magnificent Music From Big Pink where Levon and the others were listed in the liner notes under the prosaic heading The Band. The name stuck. At least it did until The Band dissolved in a bitter battle between Levon and Robbie. Their swan song was the live concert movie The Last Waltz—generally believed to be the best movie of its type.
Levon was the only American in The Band. He came from Arkansas; the others were Canadians. He had every appearance of a hokey hillbilly, and probably that influenced the distinctive folk-rock sound of The Band, though it was Robbie Robertson who wrote most of The Band’s Songs, such The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down and The Weight. Levon did lead vocals on most of them, one of the few drummers to take the lead—Phil Collins of Genesis was another.
The Band has always been my favourite group—I narrowly missed (by one week) seeing them when they toured Australia. That was post-Robbie and they were shadows of their former selves. But Levon was there, Garth was there, Rick (my favourite) was there and Richard was yet to hang himself—that would happen a month later. Only Garth and Robbie survive today.
So Levon is gone. And with him that ten-year cancer battle. There is mercy in that, I suppose. But for those of us with long memories, those of us who know the tragedy of the barely coherent Garth Hudson and the show-pony antics of the much despised Robbie Robertson we know that with Levon’s passing passed The Band.
This was our Last Waltz.



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Now playing: The Band - Across The Great Divide
via FoxyTunes

The Magic of Mangawhai

As we all know we had a short summer this year. It seems to have spanned Easter and that was it. It truly was a good Friday, and the days that followed, followed a pattern of similar piety. Spirits were lifted.
Fryday’s Easter was spent quietly. I didn’t go anywhere. I spent this longest of all weekends at home apart from a brief and vicarious sojourn in India courtesy of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel—worth seeing, but nothing more.
What I find remarkable though and perhaps in need of some explanation, should someone wish to proffer it, is why so many people spent their Easter at Mangawhai.
Even the most cursory observation of Facebook suggests that the place was packed. I have never been there so I am somewhat of a loss. What is the attraction? Is it the beach—there are closer beaches, surely. Is it the facilities—for I understand Managawhai has none, though that itself may be the attraction. Is it the culture—bikinis and binges are undoubtedly attractive to many. Mangawhai is not Hamilton, that may be it, but nor is anywhere else. All I know is that had I been at Mangawhai over Easter weekend I would likely have met someone I know on virtually every caravan corner—and that may well have detroyed my purpose for being there--getting away from it all does not usually mean taking the “all” with you.
So, whilst I find myself drawn to Managwhai to see for myself what it has to offer, it will not, I think, be during the holidays—bikinis or no bikinis. In my sixth decade, thongs remain an attraction; throngs, however, are not.

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Now playing: Bruce Springsteen & The Sessions Band - This Little Light of Mine (Live)
via FoxyTunes

Hanging to the Right

The political spectrum will have us on the left, the centre left, the right, the extreme right or a whole lot of inbetweens and extensions. From 5.00 am Sunday anybody turning right will have to give way. Somewhat ironic given that those on the right have long considered themselves the government of choice, giving way to nobody except Bronwyn Pullar. I think I have my head around the new intersection rules but the problem is of course it takes two to tangle and none of should assume any confidence that other motorists will play be the (new) rules. This was borne out by a survey published in the Herald today. It found that one in ten failed a driving simulation test when confronted by the new intersection rules. Drivers were put behind the wheel of a virtual Suzuki Grand Vitara and asked to make rule-based decisions at real-life intersections. They were also timed: those who answered correctly took on average five seconds; those who answered incorrectly 10 seconds. So there was some indecision, there was some time taken and there is a one in ten chance that a mistake will be made, possibly leading to a crash. It does not auger well. Or does it? We Aucklanders might find some consolation by questioning the veracity of the survey itself. The “real life” intesections were all in Hamilton, the respondents all presumambly were Hamiltonians, and the survey was conducted by that hot(not)bed of rational thinking, Waikato University. Given all that we need to ask ourselves whether the survey is responsible, representative or relevant, unless of course we are going to Hamilton, which of course we are not.

Wrong Location? Yeah Right!

The Tui billboard “Santa even likes ginger kids. Yeah Right!” offends J White. He says, and Fryday quotes here the NZ Herald: “It (the billboard) is offensive and degrading towards children and singles out a natural occurrence of which a child has no control…” Besides the sentence being grammatically bankrupt, the sentence itself is equally if not more offensive than the billboard. Is J White implying in the phrase ‘has no control over” that, if they did, children would elect to be something/anything other than a Ginga? Well, they may do. But I can’t see the same implicit phrase/aspiration being levelled at a brunette, raven-haired or blonde….well, blonde, maybe. But it was not that which caught Fryday’s attention. It was the brewery’s apology and explanation. They did not wish to give offence, they said. It was a scheduling glitch, says DB. A mistake. It was placed in the wrong location. It was supposed to be placed where no-one who saw it would be offended by it. Where those who did see it would enjoy the laconic and iconic humour. Where there was humour. Certainly not where it wound up…Hamilton.

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Now playing: Leonard Cohen - Democracy
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Doing it by the (Face)Book

Saying I worked in advertising is something of an oxymoron. There was very little work, as I now know it, but a lot of drinking, card playing and cavorting. At the time—in the 70s—it was the expectation of that industry and the envy of others. We were the bight young things before the stockbrokers stole the mantle and then destroyed it. I see many of the people I consorted with back then on Facebook. They look considerably older, much settled and, one supposes, a little wiser. There are only two I see in person and regularly. And that is after a hiatus of near-on 40 years in the case of one. The others are probably like me in that they are content in the constraint of the Facebook contact. Facebook is like that: it brings you close but not too close, and as you and I are of an age and of an age, we have various other ways of making contact, such as an old-fashioned method called a telephone. I find it remarkable that my sons employ Facebook as a preference to even email. Is email going the way vinyl and video…obsolete? Maybe text will be next…thank God. So I do enjoy the direct engagement with true friends as distinct to the Facebook kind. In fact I am having dinner tonight with the one of those I have retained from those far-off advertising days. The one with the hiatus and a past propensity to go Greek, so to speak. It should be enjoyable, lively and, if conspicuous consumption makes it far from memorable, it will be just like those far-off advertising days, before our lives became a timeline on Facebook.


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Now playing: The Band - Life Is A Carnival
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: The Band - Life Is A Carnival
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: The Band - Life Is A Carnival
via FoxyTunes