If I were a carpenter

I miss George W. Bush.
I miss Helen Clark.
I miss Hone.
The heart has been ripped out of Fryday by their departure from the political scene. Elsewhere, writing about Hamilton has become almost as boring as the city itself. Len Brown remains a cheap shot but is already shot, everybody knows it. Whetu, I think, has gone back to prison.
Fryday has nothing to write about.
Except our Canadian-born ambassador for New Zealand Eleanor Catton.
I know it is opportunistic. And I know her remarks are largely a media beat up.  But that doesn’t make those remarks any less offensive to me, or any less spurious. Let’s look at the facts (as I seem them, and does that mean they are less fact than conjecture?):
1.     She feels uncomfortable about being an ambassador for New Zealand. Setting aside that she isn’t, at least in a formal sense, all I can say is don’t be. An ambassador, that is. Nobody asked you to be. And, if you are uncomfortable being one, don’t pretentiously say you are one.  Leave that accolade to those who are genuinely and outspokenly proud of our nation.
2.     She complains of New Zealand’s tall-poppy syndrome. Well, I can’t recall anyone in New Zealand, when she won the Man-Booker or since, who didn’t celebrate with her that distinction. As a nation, we applauded her. None criticised her. And the fact was, the sub-text for Man Booker, “books you are guaranteed to start reading but not to finish”, was quickly swept under the carpet by a laudatory nation. It seems Ms Catton has also done some sweeping herself lately; this tall poppy has “carpeted “her New Zealand Order of Merit (2013), Doctorate of Literature (Victoria University, 2014) and Governor General’s Award for English Language Fiction (2013)—all fine fertiliser for a tall poppy.
3.     She criticises the Government for being neo-liberal, profit-obsessed. Well, it is that same government (and by direct association its profit obsession and tax-payers) who subsidises her position and salary at Manukau Institute of Technology and even the publication of her books by Victoria University Press. If I were a carpenter—or any other tradesperson—I wouldn’t get Government support. I am not sure why Ms Catton, or any other writer, thinks they warrant it. Or why the Government does, for that matter.
I think I had a thing about Eleanor Catton. An emerging thing. I thought there was a new Fryday thread—a new Hone. But now that I have vented. I don’t think there is much more to be said of her. But I do thank her. It is years since I heard the word hua.
For that, and for her and for Mr Plunket, I am a grateful hua.

As Cecil C. Sackrider Sees It: A Brush with Bush

The prospect of another Bush in the White House may not be universally welcome. However, George W. Bush’s younger brother, John Ellis (Jeb) Bush, has announced that he will “actively explore” a bid for the White house in 2016; and, as Fryday’s Alabama correspondent, Reverend Cecil C. Sackrider, sees it, you can never brush off a Bush bid. Reverend Sackrider:

Opinions on the presidency of George W. Bush are divided, even today. Some, such as myself and the great majority of enlightened Americans, consider him one of the greatest Presidents of our time, and a great American. Others, such as my ministry’s former finance director, and my former head of television broadcasts, believe we could have done better. To that group, I say you are wrong—for in questioning George W. Bush’s contribution to the Presidency, to our great nation and to the world, you are questioning God’s. President Bush was and is a man who walks shoulder to shoulder with God, and who has the ear of God—there are only a few of us who can say that. As much as God learned from President Bush (the President’s Letters to God are a revelation, in fact a book of revelations), President Bush would readily admit I believe that he learned from God, and was the instrument of God’s plan and will for the world. It is through misty and moist eyes that we of the True Faith remember those receding halcyon days when our great nation was ruled by God and a Bush in the White House. The days before the darkness. Many of us—most of us—pray for a return to those days. Our prayers may be answered. We have the welcome news, God be praised, that George’s younger brother Jeb is contemplating putting his name forward for the 2016 Presidential Election. The Bush name is not without power and influence among the enlightened, and in this news and in His name we have further evidence God is set to return to the White House. Pray, my fellow Americans, that it comes to fruition. It is God’s will and God’s way that we be blest with a Bush.

For an exact replica of God’s Plan for This World, as delivered personally by God to Cecil C. Sackrider (handwriting verified), send a check or money order (minimum US$99.99) to the Cecil C. Sackrider Ministry 1069E West 35 Street Montgomery Alabama United States of America, Zip Code 666.  All donations over US$50,000 go into the draw to win a three-day family pass to the Cecil C. Sackrider Theme Park. Offer available only to American Christians.