Our American religious correspondent, Cecil C. Sackrider, and his new wife, Pastor Bobby-Jo Sackrider, have just returned from an evangelic tour of the Sub-Continent. Tired, but clearly happy, Reverend Sackrider has found time to tell us of his new wife and the blessings he believes God has bestowed upon him, and upon her.
Last night my wife, Bobby-Jo, came in to my bedroom for our nightly prayer. We finished. I blessed her. She started to return to her room but paused at the door. I saw she was troubled and in need of God’s wisdom.
“What is wrong Bobby-Jo,” I asked, kindly.
“Reverend Cecil,” said my wife, “may I ask you a question?”
“Are you in need of God’s wisdom, child?” I asked.
“No, my husband,” she said. “I am in need of yours.”
“I speak for God,” I said, benignly.
“Then, why is it, my Husband, that God, who creates such wondrous beauty as the Magnolia, creates such evil as ISIS?”
I looked upon my wife, with love. So young. Barely 16 years of blessed age. So much to learn. So much for me to mould.
Quietly, encouragingly, I reached out for her tiny hands. Taking them in mine, I looked into her eyes. She lowered hers. “It is simple child. God created the magnolia; satan created ISIS.”
Bobby-Joe looked at me, perplexed. “But surely Reverend Cecil, God created everything.”
“Everything that is good, child.”
“And what is good, Husband? What am I to love God for?”
“First and foremost, Section 501(C) of the Internal Revenue Code.”
“Tax exemption for churches?” she said.
“Exactly,” I said. I had taught her well. “But God is truly generous. He has given us more.”
“Please tell me,” I could sense her excitement.
“Well, He gave us:
- Fox News,
- The Republican Party
- Pat Buchanan
- Weapons of Mass Destruction
- Infomercials –sorry, television preaching
- Gullibility (a great gift)
- BMW
- Former President George W. Bush (a greater gift)…”
“And President Barrack Obama?” she opined.
“No. Sometimes He leaves it to His apprentices. They don’t always get it right. And yet God has given Me the greatest gift of all…”
“Yes, my husband? What?”
I paused, reflectively.
“You,” I said, smilingly.
Her eyes glistened. Her little hands tightened in mine.
“Reverend Cecil,” she said, quietly.
“Yes,” I replied, knowingly.
“May we pray again?”
“Yes,” I replied, lovingly.
“The same way again?”
“Yes,” I replied.
And we did.
For a list of God’s Gifts, as delivered personally by God to Cecil C. Sackrider (handwriting verified), send a check or money order (minimum US$99.99) to the Cecil C. Sackrider Ministry 1069E West 35 Street Montgomery Alabama United States of America, Zip Code 666. Checks should be made out to CASH (Congregation Against Satan’s Handiwork). All donations over US$50,000 go into the draw to win a three-day family pass to the Cecil C. Sackrider Theme Park. Offer available only to American Christians.
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