As Rev. Cecil C. Sackrider Sees It: God's Gifts.

Our American religious correspondent, Cecil C. Sackrider, and his new wife, Pastor Bobby-Jo Sackrider, have just returned from an evangelic tour of the Sub-Continent. Tired, but clearly happy, Reverend Sackrider has found time to tell us of his new wife and the blessings he believes God has bestowed upon him, and upon her.

Last night my wife, Bobby-Jo, came in to my bedroom for our nightly prayer. We finished. I blessed her. She started to return to her room but paused at the door. I saw she was troubled and in need of God’s wisdom.

“What is wrong Bobby-Jo,” I asked, kindly.

“Reverend Cecil,” said my wife, “may I ask you a question?”

“Are you in need of God’s wisdom, child?” I asked.

“No, my husband,” she said. “I am in need of yours.”

“I speak for God,” I said, benignly.

“Then, why is it, my Husband, that God, who creates such wondrous beauty as the Magnolia, creates such evil as ISIS?”

I looked upon my wife, with love. So young. Barely 16 years of blessed age. So much to learn. So much for me to mould.

Quietly, encouragingly, I reached out for her tiny hands. Taking them in mine, I looked into her eyes. She lowered hers. “It is simple child. God created the magnolia; satan created ISIS.”

Bobby-Joe looked at me, perplexed. “But surely Reverend Cecil, God created everything.”

“Everything that is good, child.”

“And what is good, Husband? What am I to love God for?”

“First and foremost, Section 501(C) of the Internal Revenue Code.”

“Tax exemption for churches?” she said.

“Exactly,” I said.  I had taught her well. “But God is truly generous. He has given us more.”

“Please tell me,” I could sense her excitement.

“Well,  He gave us:

• Fox News,
• The Republican Party
• Pat Buchanan
• Weapons of Mass Destruction
•  Infomercials –sorry, television preaching
• Gullibility (a great gift)
• BMW
• Former President George W. Bush (a greater gift)…”

“And President Barrack Obama?” she opined.

“No. Sometimes He leaves it to His apprentices. They don’t always get it right.  And yet God has given Me the greatest gift of all…”

“Yes, my husband? What?”

I paused, reflectively.

 “You,” I said, smilingly.

Her eyes glistened. Her little hands tightened in mine.

“Reverend Cecil,” she said, quietly.

“Yes,”  I replied, knowingly.

“May we pray again?”

“Yes,” I replied, lovingly.

“The same way again?”

“Yes,” I replied.

And we did.

For a list of God’s Gifts, as delivered personally by God to Cecil C. Sackrider (handwriting verified), send a check or money order (minimum US$99.99) to the Cecil C. Sackrider Ministry 1069E West 35 Street Montgomery Alabama United States of America, Zip Code 666.  Checks should be made out to CASH (Congregation Against Satan’s Handiwork). All donations over US$50,000 go into the draw to win a three-day family pass to the Cecil C. Sackrider Theme Park. Offer available only to American Christians.

Moaners on the Money

Yesterday the Reserve Bank revealed New Zealand’s new bank notes, which will begin circulation in October 2015. I like them. They are colourful, vibrant  and, in their design, an astute blend of tradition and modernism. That is my opinion, anyway. Others will and do disagree. I knew they would. I said to someone yesterday they would. There is no special prescience in that; all it takes is a knowledge of New Zealanders.  In New Zealand there will always be some—many—who will disagree with something, particularly something subjective such as design. Of course they are entitled to express their opinions, as I am entitled to do about the bank notes and about them. But I can’t help thinking that many of these people do not start and stop with bank notes, or flags for that matter. We seem to have in this country a disproportionate number of perpetual wingers, and that is both disappointing and discouraging. In a past life I was required to deal with some of them—negative thinkers who generally had a raft of eclectic complaints. To be confronted day after day with such complainers was both tiring and tiresome. But I had to do it. For pay. Today, I don’t. So, allow me to vent, from experience: all you glass half empty people, life on my side of the fence that divides us is good. Life is not perfect, but it is a joy. Even in our waking moments we can always find something to look forward to in the day ahead. It is not hard and it will, literally, make our day. Try it. You will like it. And you, in turn, will become more likeable. That said (and vented) let me return to the bank notes and reiterate that—in my world—you are allowed to dislike them. But surely you should do so for the right reasons, and by that I mean realistic and reasonable reasons. Here are some of the reasons, expressed on Twitter, Facebook and the Herald website, given for not liking the bank notes. In quoting, I rest my case on negative thinkers.

• A change in a pay rise would be better.
• Will they print enough to feed all the kids in poverty?
• A country in debt and where (sic) wasting money on money hahaa
• Not that safe to have bright cash …. pretty much saying look what I have, now come and rob me
• How many million did it cost to do that?
• Does the govt have this excess funds? What about our nurses, teachers etc?
• I don't think the colours need to be any brighter? What's the point of that? Won't the ink make it more expensive?

But in this there is humour (Thank God). I like these two comments, both from Facebook:

• Don’t have money long enough to look at it....
• Do we get to have a free sample?

As Cecil C. Sackrider Sees It

The trouncing of the Democratic Party in America’s mid-term election is seen as a resounding blow for President Barrack Obama. But as Fryday’s Alabama based correspondent, Reverend Cecil C. Sackrider, sees it, it is the advent of a re-emerging America.

There is no doubt that the presidency of our great nation’s first black American President has been dealt a telling blow, as have, I suggest, the presidential aspirations of many black Americans. At least those we used to term “uppity”. But it should come as no surprise. If it does, I have news for those folk: it is not called The White House for nothing. I had serious misgivings when Mr. Obama put his name forward and I was horrified (though not surprised) that the Democratic Party selected him. But I was absolutely appalled when the American People voted him in. We are living in strange times. We recall that these were the same people who put Clinton in power, and the same people who decided that perhaps the greatest American President of all time, George W. Bush, was deemed the most disliked President of all time. The devil clouds the judgement of many, whilst The Almighty enlightens. And here in this election we see The Almighty in action. It is His work and His will that sees the return of His party, the Republican Party, to power, and with it the advent of enlightenment.  Never again, it is to be hoped, will we return to the dark times of a black President. God allowed us that experiment so that in failure we could see Light. Do not get me wrong, God is not a racist. He after all created black folk. But I cannot comprehend that He intended them to be anything more in The White House than butlers. Nor was this election lost for the Democrats because Mr Obama is a black man, or because of his lack of performance (something even Mr Obama’s wife Michelle has acknowledged). No, it was lost because it is God’s will. And God’s will is that we should be punished for our treatment of President George W. Bush. Thus, He gave us President Barrack Obama.  Now, in mercy, He removes him. A lesson learned I am sure by all who think that we will again have a black or a future woman President. Neither is in God’s plan for our world, and all free-thinking and righteous folk should thank God for that.

• For an exact replica of God’s Plan for This World, as delivered personally by God to Cecil C. Sackrider (handwriting verified), send a cheque or money order (minimum US$99.99) to the Cecil C. Sackrider Ministry 1069E West 35 Street Montgomery Alabama United States of America, Zip Code 666.  All donations over US$50,000 will go into the draw to win a three-day family pass to the Cecil C. Sackrider Theme Park. Offer available only to American Christians.