He's over there; I have called the police

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This week I appeared on Shortland Street, and life for many in New Zealand was enriched. The gravitas of my appearance, evocative as it was of Britain’s wonderful repertory knights, will long remain in the annals of great moments in New Zealand television.

At least in my mind.

The reality is though that if you blinked you missed it. Even my wife failed to see me after repeated viewing, asking once if I were the body. I wasn’t. I had a speaking part, but that part consisted of one line: “He’s over there; I have called the police.” I added a special touch by actually pointing to the body when I said my line, plus displayed appropriate panic in my voice and my face—nuances that somehow escaped the notice of the director and, thus far, Hollywood producers.

There is a wonderful scene in Tootsie when Dustin Hoffman, playing a struggling young actor, asks the director what the motivation is for the role he is playing. He asks, plaintively “what is the back-story?” The role he is playing is, I seem to recall, in a Campbell’s canned soup commercial—as the can!

As silly as that situation is, it exists and is something all actors, amateur and professional, relate to.  We want to inject something into the roles we play, no matter how small.

So whilst my time on screen and Shortland Street may have lasted less than two seconds I spent fully a week composing my character and my delivery. What would I be like if I had actually discovered a body (the story-line)? What would my reaction be? What and to whom would I be communicating? What insight and guidance if any from the director would I be given? What indeed would be the state of the body and what influence would that have on my reaction?

So, loins suitably girded I arrived on set to suddenly feel my loins ungirding and panic setting in as my “big moment” approached.

“And, action!”

“He’s over there; I have called the police.”

“Great. Thanks Mike. Let’s set up for the next shot.”

That was it. One take and it was done. I was done.

But I stand ready to go again, Mr Producer. The door is open and I am sufficiently confident in my skill to deliver perhaps two lines next time and let’s not forget my ability to point while talking.

And while I am at it, may I also remind you that indeed I did not play the body. Now, that would be a dead-end job. There is still life left in this old actor yet.

Right, Mr DeMille, I’m ready for my close up.