Hysteria: The Movie, the Man.

There is a movie out at the moment called Hysteria that is creating some hysteria. It purports to be the true-life story of the invention of the personal vibrator. It is not. Even a modicum of research reveals that the personal vibrator was an evolutionary development. But no matter, Hysteria has found its spot—so to speak—filling the void, so to speak—for a post Fifty Shades of Grey market. Among women, among whom Fryday occasionally enrols, vibrators are quite the talking point and one assumes that this is reflected in increased sales and households literally humming as a result. Which brings us to Piri Weepu. The batteries in even the best vibrator will in time run out through over use or lack of use. They will have exceeded their use-by date. That’s what’s happened with the All Blacks’ nuggerty halfback. Piri was unceremoniously dropped at half time at last weekend’s test match against South Africa. It was clear, at least to me, that he had to go: slow delivery, wrong decisions, hospital passes—all showed that Piri was past his best. The batteries had run out. Aaron Smith was creating the new hysteria. Steve Hansen made the right move. I feel sorry for Piri. After his undoubted success at the World Cup he had every right to feel he could continue to create the magic behind the scrum. But the warning signs—with The Blues—came quickly and culminated, dramatically and so sadly, at the test. We are unlikely, I think, to see him in an All Black jersey again. As ignominious as that half-time dropping is, we can and should remember and reflect on Piri Weepu at his best. New Zealand rugby is blessed with a history of great scrum-halves and Piri Weepu is among them. His high point must certainly be the 2011 Rugby World Cup where he galvanised the tournament and created thousands of Facebook postings. He was wonderful to watch, and the hysteria—then—was his. And ours. And for that, we should thank him, move on now and watch tests without him, and simply bask in the post-orgasmic glow that is Piri Awahou Tihou Weepu.