Rogeting the Mother-in-Law

Right now it is raining, a state of play extant through the night. That is good because here in the north the region generally and farmers specifically need to recover from a prolonged drought. At least I heard it described in the media as a prolonged drought. I would have thought that any drought, by the nature of droughts, is prolonged and to call one as such is a tautology. Or am I wrong? I wanted to find out. So, as is my wont (I am a sad case), I looked up prolonged in the dictionary. Right next to an advertisement telling me that I too could lose 20 kgs in 4 weeks my on-line dictionary defines prolonged as relatively long in duration and protracted. Fair enough, except relative to what? So I am right and to my mind prolonged drought is a tautology. It is also in terms of the verb, prolong, suggestive of someone committing an intent—which in the case of a drought is patently wrong. Delving further into the vexatious word I found in the accompanying on-line thesaurus several alternative words and phrases that mean much the same thing as prolonged. Among the phrases are “tediously protracted” (again fair enough) and then this: “A lengthy visit from a mother-in-law.” What? Mother-in-law jokes? Has the good Roget developed a sense of humour? Surely not. I could delve into this further but I fear I have prolonged this Fryday long enough. Have a good weekend.

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NZRU apologises to Maori players
14/05/2010 6:08:02

Maori players receive apology from NZRU and SARU for being excluded from tours to South Africa during the apartheid era...


The knock on the door was not unexpected…
ME: Hello Whetu.
HE: Kia ora bro.
HE: Youse fellas enjoying Helensville?
ME: Very much so. Nice town.
HE: Wes fellas own some of it, you know.
ME: Wes…we know. Is that it? Is this a shakedown on the house?
HE: Hey bro…you think I would do that to you. You like a cuzzie to me. You whanau. We known each other since we were tamariki.
ME: What is it then?
HE: I want an apology.
ME: An apology?
HE: Yep.
ME: What for?
HE: For stopping me getting in the 1962 Under 12 Canterbury Rugby League team.
ME: I did?
HE: Youse did.
ME: How did I do that?
HE: Your dad was the selector and he didn’t pick me.
ME: And that is my fault how?
HE: The sims of the father.
ME: Sins.
HE: What?
ME: Sins of the father.
HE: Whatever. Anyway, I want an apology.
ME: I apologise.
HE: You do?
ME: I do. That it?
HE: Ah…nope.
ME: What then?
HE: I want some food as well.
ME: What kind of food?
HE: You.
ME: Me? You want to eat me?
HE: It’s a joke bro.
ME: A joke?
HE: Jeeze, you white fellas can’t take a joke, can you?


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A Game of Three Halves

Tonight New Zealand plays Australia in the ANZAC Day rugby league test. Most Kiwis hope for the best and expect the worst. The New Zealand team appears to be too young, too inexperienced and too light to compete with a star-studded Aussie side hunting for State of Origin places. But it should be a good game and I shall be watching. Pity it’s not actually on ANZAC Day though. It used to be and that showed a great deal of sensitivity by Australasian rugby league as well being a good marketing ploy of course—neither of which could be comprehended by the omnipresent but moribund rugby code. But here is a thought: why not play all three major codes—rugby league, rugby and cricket—on the same day, ANZAC Day? You could play a league test in Sydney at 2.00, rugby in Melbourne at 4.00 and a 20/20 cricket match in Brisbane at 7.00. Indeed, with all the facilities Australian have you could play all three games in the same city with the same set of spectators travelling to each venue and the Australian television networks competing for rights.
Of course we would probably still lose all three matches to the Aussies. And I now come to my point--to my way of thinking it is not the games, nor even the losing—it is the captains’ post match speeches that most differentiates the codes. Based on speeches of old here’s how I see them going:
Benjie Marshall (Rugby League)
Well, mate the boys are pretty battered and bruised. I thought we were right in it for the first half mate, but you can’t afford to give the Aussies any space out wide and if you do mate you can expect Lockyer and the boys to take it to yer. League’s a game of possession mate and we just didn’t get up for it today mate.
Richie McCaw (Rugby)
Fairly shattered, to be honest. I thought if we could control it there in the tight we would be in there with a chance. But all credit to the Australians they dug deep and at the end of the day were a better side on the day.
Daniel Vettori (Cricket)
Disappointed to be honest. Our top order didn’t do enough and that put pressure on our lower order. We’ll put that game behind us. Regroup and look to next year. No, I don’t see any selection changes—I’ll probably still trot out the same clichés I do every speech.

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