Dear God: The Last Post

Prairie Chapel Ranch
Crawford
Texas

01/23/2009

Dear God

I find myself with a little time on my hands. I’m back home amongst my people, with Laura at my side. I know what you are going to say God. You are going to say two things: will I miss being all-powerful, how will I like to be remembered and what do I plan to do now?

Well, I have been thinking about these things to God. I have asked myself these same questions, and I got answers for all of them

Will I miss the power? Well, I got some nice letters from some pretty powerful people—prime ministers, presidents, industry leaders and that guy who runs Macdonalds and they all say the same thing, that my leaving the White House will leave the world a better place. That’s what they said. So, you see, I have some powerful friends (can you say the same?), so I don’t miss power, I still have it!

What do I want to be remembered for? Again, the answer is already there. You don’t know how many letters I have got from people just like you and me (well more like me than you) saying they will never forget me. They want to, they say, but they can’t. So, you see, I have left an inedible impression in peoples’ hearts.

What will I do now? Well, first I plan to just have a little R&R around the ranch. I might hog-tie a few cattle and Laura to. And some nice folk down there in Crawford asked me to donate my papers and books I read during my presidency to the George W. Bush Presidential Library. I told them I didn’t keep no newspapers (didn’t read them either) but Laura would look out the book.

Do I have any regrets, and how do I think the new guy will go? Yes, I have regrets. I would have liked a bigger Dick. Dick Chaney never quite measured up as a Vice-President. I could have done with a lot more help (people kept on saying to me, you need help) but he did bring in the money, so I guess he was useful. I regret going into Iraq. It was so hot and I got that rash between my legs and it stayed around for ages.

The new guy? A Black Democrat from Illinois? I think he proved his own point when he said that if he could become President anybody could become President. They said the same thing about me. So, nothing new there.

So, thank you God. Thank you for being there when I needed you. You know I’m here to return the favor. Watch over these United States, watch over the world and, if you get time, you might like to check us out as Laura and I do a little hog-tieing. We’ll be thinking of you.

I’ll leave you with one final thought. Me and Jesus have something in common—we both have daddies who are proud of us and what we done.

One day at a time,
G.


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