Dear Michelle VII

Dear Michelle,

Well I have done it! I have called the election (or as Trevor calls it the erection) date for November 8. That’s typical of Trevor of course. He’s symptomatic of my one regret from my time in office, macho males. How much better and more effective I could have been if I had only women in my cabinet. Or better still, no cabinet at all. Heather and I have often discussed how easy it would be for her and me to run this country just on our own.

But that’s the democratic system for you: never the best.

Of course even in an idyllic situation of an all woman cabinet I would retain Michael. The good doctor comes as close as you can get vicarious masturbation: he massages the ego while deflecting the slings and arrows. In the early days Jim used to do that but of late he has got so boring and intense. I hope I lose him in the election.

Just so with Winston. What a liability he has proven to be as predicted by Heather. She never liked him of course, but who does? However, that is not my issue with him, if I couldn’t cope with not being liked I wouldn’t have a cabinet and in fact I wouldn’t have a job! No, my issue with Winston is his hair. It is always so neat and tidy and always looks so good on television whereas I, as you know, have no end of difficulty with mine. Of course that doesn’t matter. And I don’t give a shit how I look (nor does Heather), but, you know, in the lead up to the erection (Ha Ha) and all that… Thank God for Photoshop!

Anyway, I have to get into trim for the election. JK is not going to be an issue, but all this smiling and being nice (talk about sustainable) will be. Build me up Michelle. Give me the spunk to get through it all. You do do spunk, don’t you? Silly question.

Put me on the couch and have your way with me.

H.

The Naked Politician

Yesterday I read of an Australian state minister who was forced to resign because he was caught dancing naked in a bar. Quite right too. It should be a capital offence for any Australian whose names are not Nicole and Kidman to be caught naked in public. Nevertheless, the message here is that the resignation occurred with some promptitude and over what most of us would think a relatively minor matter. Contrast that with the Winston affair and our handling of such matters in New Zealand. This is not the first time a New Zealand parliamentarian had been allowed to hang on with an adhesion akin to Britney kissing Madonna. True, some of them get stripped of their ministerial portfolios but they soon regain them. None that I can remember has actually been forced to resign and I doubt very much that Winston will be the first. In any case, time is running out for that. So I think Winston will survive the current term of government. Whether he returns for the next one I very much doubt. Personally though I have no issue with that. Winston does his job, still has a constituency that adores him, dresses better than Rodney Hide and he might get down and dirty but at least he doesn’t get…naked.