They're strange, folk.

The job I am in is to be “disestablished” early next month. Now, I thought I knew most euphemisms as passing acquaintances but disestablished is new to me and, from my research, new to most dictionaries. And therein lies the problem, this rather awkward but nevertheless crucial word is so full of ambiguity that there is no clear definition of what it actually means. In vies with Monty Python’s Dead Parrot sketch as a trove of synonyms. You remember that sketch, don’t you? How many ways could you say that the parrot was dead? Here’s the relevant part of the script:

CLEESE: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

I am told by the Online Dictionary that disestablish means my job is to suffer something akin to either circumcision (“to alter the status of something established by authority or general acceptance”) or reverse excommunication (“to deprive {a church} of official support). That’s the verb. Even more daunting is the noun. Yes, there is one: Disestablishmentarianism. That’s not so much a word as a journey! Even worse: antidisestablishmentarianism.

But there other words and phrases just as strange and they have taxed my brain of late. Here’s a few to share with you.

1. What does lipstick stick?
2. Can we actually feel like crap?
3. Why do women’s problems start with menopause or men for that matter?
4. What does “I’m stumped” really mean?
5. How do you actually wrap your head around something?
6. How do you “peel” your eyes?
7. Could you really “care less” or simply not at all?
8. Do teeth really have skin?
9. Does toothpaste only handle one tooth?
10. If “at the end of the day” is your final thought aren’t you wasting the night?
11. Bob must have a bloody big family if he is uncle to so many.
12. Does wishing someone “a good weekend” mean you don’t give a shit about the rest of their life?

---------------- Now playing: Tony Joe White - Closing In on the Fire (with Lucinda Williams) - (The Heroines - 2004) via FoxyTunes