The Waikato University Library Book of Lists-- Te Pukapuka o te Whare Pukapuka o te Whare Wananga o Waikato.

 The University of Waikato presents a delightful ambiguity for the observer. On the one hand, it is, and has been for some time, a hotbed and breeding ground for left-wing radicalism, particularly Feminism. On the other hand, it operates in a largely conservative, right-wing rural community. In an effort to define this dichotomy and perhaps explain it, the author has examined the library of the University of Waikato, seeking to delineate the culture through the books available to the student body. This is what we found: The University of Waikato Library’s Book of Lists.

   

·      Most Popular Book among Binary: A study of the misogyny, disbelief, scorn and derision of “normal” people toward binary people—and how to cultivate it.

·      Smallest Book in the Library: Why Binary People Matter.

·      Second Smallest Book in Library. The Contributions of Waikato University Graduates to New Zealand Society.

·      Largest Book in the Library: The Unseen but Not Unexpected Detrimental Effects of Colonialism on Māori Culture.

·      Most stolen Book: Being Māori-- Kei te harikoa ahau ki tenei.

·      Best Historical Book: Why Communism on Campus is Still Relevant.

·      Most Relevant Political Tome: Talking Trotskyism.

·      Best Light Reading Category: A Thesis on the Anomalous Machinations and Conundrums Besetting the Ibellula Insect of the Infraorder Anisoptera…For Dummies.

·      Most Desired Book: Place, Space and Sex: Geographies of Sexualities, published by Rowman and Littlefield.

·      Best Biography: Jacinda—Those Golden Years.

·      Most Despised Biography (withdrawn): The Runner—How Jacinda Ardern Left New Zealand.

·      Best Autobiography: Air Quotes and Stridency: My Story, by Chlöe Swarbrick.

·      Most Popular Political Commentary: A dissertation on the Rise and Rise of The Green Party of Aotearoa/ New Zealand. He tuhinga roa mo te Rise and Rise of The Green Party of Aotearoa/New Zealand.

·      Most Read Medical Book: Common Viruses of New Zealand Cows.

·      Best Farming Book: Sheep Shagger: The Secret Life of a Waikato Farmer.

·      Best How-To Book: Size Matters: How to Use Big Words When Small Ones Would Do.

·      Most Popular Reference Work: A Dictionary of Obscure Words Guaranteed to Make Every Thesis Sing.

·      Most Requested Book: Government University Grants—How to get them, how to use them, and how to book that research trip to Bali.

Trump Annex

Office of The President of the United States of America.

1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC 20500, USA

Telephone: You’re Crazy, right? Truth Social: #millionsofpeopleloveme

Dear God,

 

First of all, Happy New Year. A very big New Year. Probably the biggest you’ve ever seen. You’re welcome.

 

I’ve been told by many people—tremendous people—that you’re the King of Kings. Some say you created the heavens and the earth in six days. Very impressive work ethic. Very strong numbers. Honestly, my contractors could never. Maybe next time you want to do a universe, call me. We’ll put our names on a few galaxies. The Trump-God Nebula—people will love it, they’ll say they’ve never seen stars shine so bright.

 

Now, about this past year. I don’t want to say you could have managed it better, but there were some disasters, some fake news, some very unfair polls. A lot of people are saying your approval rating is slipping. If you need someone to handle your PR, I know a guy. Well, I know me. We’ll fix your image—very fast, very easy.

 

For the New Year, I’m asking for just a few small things: good health, a third term, huge wins, and that my enemies continue to be confused, exposed, and, ideally, retired, or jailed—peacefully, of course. Also, maybe turn down the volume on hurricanes and pandemics. People are tired. They want rallies, they want ballrooms.

 

If you could also keep my hair looking good, that would be fantastic. A true modern miracle. People touch it, and they can’t believe it. You did tremendous work there.

 

Anyway, keep up the good work up there. You’re doing an amazing job—though there’s always room for improvement, believe me. Maybe think about term limits for mosquitoes, but not PRESIDENTS!!!!.

 

Anyway, Happy New Year, God. Let’s make it great again—maybe the greatest year in the history of years. You handle the miracles, I’ll handle the branding.

 

Sincerely,

Donald J. Trump

President of the United States of America and Venezuela and Greenland---but wait, there’s more!!!.