The Executive Committee
International Rugby Board
Huguenot House
35—38 St Stephen’s Green
Dublin 2
Ireland.


Dear Sirs

We refer to the matter of the presentation of the Webb Ellis Cup at the conclusion of the Rugby World Cup (9 October 2011 inst).

Television footage of the event and personal observation from members at the event offer clear evidence of unauthorised use of our token (more commonly though erroneously called a handshake) by non-Masons, namely IRB chairman Bernard Lapasset, New Zealand prime minster John Key and All Black captain Richard McCaw.

The use of the token in such a manner in a public arena, and indeed in private context, is entirely inappropriate and demeaning to the United Grand Lodge of England and its affiliated Lodges worldwide.

Freemasonry is a fraternal organisation with origins in the late 16th to early 17th century. Freemasonry now exists in various forms all over the world, with a membership estimated at around six million, including approximately 150,000 under the jurisdictions of the Grand Lodge of Scotland and Grand Lodge of Ireland, over a quarter of a million under the jurisdiction of the United Grand Lodge of England and just under two million in the United States.

The actions of the International Rugby Board (IRB) and the individuals involved are an affront to the venerable status of all lodges.

Under the circumstances, we have no option but to impose upon the International Rugby Board and the three individuals named a collective fine of Ten thousand Euro (10,000).

The monies to be paid to this organisation no later than 13 November 2011 inst.

An invoice is attached. We accept Visa, but not cheques.


R.A.H.Marrow Esq
The Grand Secretary
United Lodge of England
Freemason's Hall
Gt Queen Street
London

PS: Bernard—looking forward to catching up with you at the Rugby League Four Nations, Dick.


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Whetu Calls: The Wider View

The country is in a sombre mood. The litany of disasters, none of our making (though culpability for Pike River is still to be determined), is evoking questions such as why us and how much can one small country be expected to take.
Even that barometer—some say adjudicator—of popular culture, The Zuckerberger, is uncharacteristically quiet: some are trying jokes on it but the Facebook firmament, already hit by Steven Jobs, is simply not in the mood at the moment. Nor am I. When a guy said to me yesterday, “All this and Dan Carter!” I bit my lip and said nothing. I was funnier in the midst of my recent melanoma operation.
So it was something of a surprise when the knock on the Ranchslider came.
Then again, perhaps it wasn’t…

ME:Good morning.
HE:Bro.
ME:What are you selling this time? Mt Maunganui Brylcream?
HE:Funny.
ME:Not really.
HE:Not selling nothin’
ME:Nothin’?
HE:Nah. Giving something away. Koha for youse because youse been so good to me.
ME:What is it?
HE:Wells, you knows that new waka wot the Prime Minister opened yesterday?
ME:Did you go to that?
HE:No.
ME:Why not? You’re Maori.
HE:Wrong tribe.
ME:Me too. Anyway…
HE:Anyways that new waka wot you paid for…
ME:Yes.
HE:Me and the bros want to present you with a small token of our thanks for forking out that two and half million bucks.
ME:Well it wasn’t me only.
HE:Yeah. I knows. But it was all youse white fellas, with wide-screens.
ME:I don’t see what that’s got to do with it. But, anyway, I appreciate the recognition.
HE:The wot?
ME:Forget it. Do you want to make that presentation now, or later?
HE:Later.
ME:When?
HE:Saturday night. We’ll come to you.
ME:What time?
HE:Dunno. What time’s the game on?

Palin into insignificance

Surprise, surprise! Sarah Palin is no longer running for the American presidency. She said her decision not to run was made only after “much prayer and serious consideration.” Instead, she said, she and her husband Todd would “devote (themselves) to God, family and country.” Interesting that remark, given it is exactly what President George W. Bush did, and in exactly the same order, for two terms as President. He managed. Kind of. Methinks her decision was rather less divine than a dawning realisation that her current campaign has little traction with American voters outside of the Bible Belt and still less with Grand Old Party powerbrokers of the Beltway. It might also have more to do with Palin signing up a number of lucrative TV deals, writing two books, and setting up a successful fund-raising outfit. Or maybe I am wrong. Maybe she is just doing what God told her. After all who are we to question the honesty and sincerity of a politician? And who are we to doubt the power of God—the IRB is everywhere these days.