Not a hickey as we know it Jim

Of all the body modifications—tattooing, piercing, etc—one can inflict on one’s body, the least intrusive would seem to be submitting to a hickey. The fact that I don’t really enjoy a hickey (from memory) does not mean I demean those who do. Yet, I read today in the NZ Herald that a woman in Christchurch came perilously close to losing her life because of a hickey. It appears that a 44 year-old woman experienced loss of movement in her left arm after her former partner gave her a hickey on her neck, near an artery, while watching television. Her surgeon told The Press in Christchurch that there was a clot in the artery underneath the love-bite, which had gone into the woman's heart and caused a minor stroke that led to the loss of movement. The woman recovered but I note that her lip-smacking partner is described as “former” and one assumes that his somewhat vampiric tendencies are targeted elsewhere. Love does indeed hurt.

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Now playing: Harry Rabinowitz, Marti Webb & Orchestra - Overture
via FoxyTunes

The Swinging Sixties

On Monday I turn 60. Sweet. Time to bring out the bucket and, to quote Jack Nicholson, not trust a fart. I have two consolations. One is that I hated the fifties –there is no particular reason and I felt much the same about the thirties; twenties were great, so were the forties, so will be the sixties--it’s every second decade, seemingly, that I get my shit together. The second consolation I have in turning 60 is that I am far from alone and far from old. The post-war baby boom saw to that. I am sure that in the history of the world there has never been as many people in their 60s or a greater determination not to think of it as a termination. Having said that, one must at this age wrestle with mortality. So, here is my bucket list. Rather than fill it with things I want to do before I die, I am filling it with things I hope I live long enough to see:
• The Black Caps win a match
• The Bulldogs win the Telstra Cup
• Canada win anything
• Intelligent life form discovered in Hamilton
• Me (society) not being blamed for every ill befalling Maori
• The return of the whiskey lake
• The Man Booker Prize given to someone readable
• Wilson Parking reduce its fees
• A Tui Billboard: Wilson Parking Reduces Fees—Yeah Right
• Recycling bins for infomercial exercise equipment
• Recycling bins for failed ideas—sorry, we already have that, it’s called Parliament
• A stop to the smaller and smaller type faces on anything I read these days
• President Jed Bush—let’s have some more fun
• A bald televangelist
• No televangelists
• The Super City work
• Mark Sainsbury ask an intelligent question
• Phil Goff give an intelligent reply
• Benjie Marshall as prime minister
• 70.


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Now playing: Tom Jones - Did Trouble Me
via FoxyTunes

Dollars and sense

Have you a spare million dollars? Good, I need it. Leave it in your letterbox and I will come and fetch it. I promise you it will be used judiciously if a little imprudently. It will, at least, be better spent on me than on this:
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=344096961.
I can’t quite make this out—here is a guy on TradeMe asking one million dollars for a pair of “original” personalised plates celebrating New Zealand’s victory in the 1995 America’s Cup. I can understand his asking for that—you are free to ask what you want on TradeMe and I could ask that for a set of my toe clippings—but who would pay $1,000,000 for a pair of plates? That, I can’t understand.
To add insult to usury the seller goes on to suggest: “…if you are having difficulties in buying the perfect gift, then why not consider these plates?” Yeah, right; I can think of a number of you who will welcome this chance to buy me a million dollar gift (did I tell you it is my 60th Monday week?). But not this one please; I don’t want to spend the next 60 years publically proclaimed as a wanker for having such pricey plates on Pricilla (my car).
At time of writing, nobody has made a bid. Shock, horror. But if you are interested, a wanker, have no sense and no interest in giving me your spare million, the auction has 30 minutes to run.
Good luck.


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Now playing: Elton John - I Want Love
via FoxyTunes

Dollars and sense

Have you a spare million dollars? Good, I need it. Leave it in your letterbox and I will come and fetch it. I promise you it will be used judiciously if a little imprudently. It will, at least, be better spent on me than on this:
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=344096961.
I can’t quite make this out—here is a guy on TradeMe asking one million dollars for a pair of “original” personalised plates celebrating New Zealand’s victory in the 1995 America’s Cup. I can understand his asking for that—you are free to ask what you want on TradeMe and I could ask that for a set of my toe clippings—but who would pay $1,000,000 for a pair of plates? That, I can’t understand.
To add insult to usury the seller goes on to suggest: “…if you are having difficulties in buying the perfect gift, then why not consider these plates?” Yeah, right; I can think of a number of you who will welcome this chance to buy me a million dollar gift (did I tell you it is my 60th Monday week?). But not this one please; I don’t want to spend the next 60 years publically proclaimed as a wanker for having such pricey plates on Pricilla (my car).
At time of writing, nobody has made a bid. Shock, horror. But if you are interested, a wanker, have no sense and no interest in giving me your spare million, the auction has 30 minutes to run.
Good luck.

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Now playing: Simon & Garfunkel - April Come She Will
via FoxyTunes